My health hasn’t been great lately. I guess it really hasn’t been great since I started this blog a few months ago, but I guess that’s the problem, right? It’s not really getting better. I have been to see a new doctor and he was really kind, caring, and listened to everything I had to say without jumping to conclusions before finishing. I told him how the sun makes me feel like shit, how I get these weird rashes, how my body always hurts, and how my eyes get really dry even in the Missouri summer (which has humidity so high that your sweat no longer evaporates to cool you).

He said some things I was afraid of. Used the words auto-immune, arthritis, and lupus. He was careful to tell me he wasn’t giving me a diagnosis, because it wasn’t his area of expertise, but he gave me a referral to see a rheumatologist. I won’t be in for an appointment for a few months, so I’m just kinda stuck in limbo.

I’ll admit, it’s scary. I was really quiet about my problems for a long time, because I always thought I just had to “tough it out” and be a man. But if we’re being real, I’ve felt like shit for the better part of a decade and it’s only getting worse. I hope a doctor can tell me what’s wrong, but even then the treatment for autoimmune diseases isn’t great. This might be the rest of my life, ya know? Shit’s scary.

I’m lucky that I have a wife who’s willing to care for me on days when I can barely walk and I’m lucky to have had a boss who was understanding and let me work from home when it got bad. I’m lucky that I have insurance that allows me to continuously bother doctors until one of them figures it out. Without that level of support, I don’t know how I’d survive.

I don’t know how to end this, so I guess this is the end. Listen to some dope 90s skate punk instead of my depressing rambling: